Transforming Anger

Anger is one of those emotions that is treated as “bad” in society. Along with grief, sadness, and hopelessness, I believe we are not properly taught how to manage these emotions that are deemed “negative or toxic”. Only happiness is deemed appropriate especially on social media, which can be deemed as more harmful as our other emotions tend to become bottled up and isolated. I’ve been listening to a lot of meditation teachers who teach mindfulness mediation like Tara Brach, as well as doing a lot of mediation through headspace. Something I have learned is that being angry activates the reptillian part of our brain. It creates adrenaline, because of a fight or flight response and many people get stuck in that “subcortical loop” as they call in neruoscience of anger, worry, anxiety and negative thought patters.

During the course of the COVID pandemic, elections and until now, anger and emotions are on a high. A constant barrage of negative news on a day to day basis on top of work and responsibilities can be overwhelming. I’ve come to realize, there are more and more people who harass, bully and attack others online. Whether its a friend with a desirable life or celebrities, there are so many angry, jealous, hateful people and even children who don’t know how to express their emotions properly. Anger in itself is not wrong- it is necessary for survival. It is a signal a boundary has been crossed, or a need unmet. Jealousy, grief or sadness are not wrong either because they are all human emotions and signal an aspect of yourself that needs attention. Through mindfulness meditation, you begin to learn to hold space for all your feelings and emotions not just happiness. You can observe your feelings, inspect them, be curious about where they come from and let them go without becoming the emotion. Emotions are very layered. When you dig beneath anger, there could be feelings of powerlessness or unworthiness. And beneath all emotions I believe, is a desire to be loved and to love. It takes a lot if inner work, meditation and introspection to be able to be mindful and self aware of yourself in relation to your emotions. But once you can surrender to your emotions, be able to watch them come and go, without becoming an emotion, life becomes more peaceful.

Another very helpful and life changing technique I've been practicing is shadow work. Shadow work is the integration of the shadow into yourself. A “shadow” based on Carl Jung’s theory is the aspects of yourself you rejected or put into exile. It could be feelings of unworthiness, sadness, grief, being a failure or even shame for your sexuality. Oftentimes strict religious conditioning can create a large shadow self since it condemns a lot aspects of being human, and portrays unreal perfectionism. Shadow work can be done through many ways, like journalling with specific prompts in my mind like- What is your most traumatic experience? or What part of yourself do you dislike and why? The more you are curious and learn to inspect the shadow side of yourself, the more questions you ask, the easier you will be able to bring your shadow into the light. Art therapy can also be a good way to express darker feelings or aspects of yourself. Dark emotions can be brilliant teachers, and once you keep practicing the Socratic method on yourself, you’ll realize that anger can actually be transformed into drive, grit, ambition and resilience. It can also be a driving force for your creativity and success. You can rewire your brain to be more hopeful, optimistic and happy as well.

Aside from Shadow work and Art therapy, I found that in my search for inner peace. the practice of mindfulness mediation was life changing. A common misconception of meditation is that it is some kind of hippie technique, and its boring. However, i’ve come to realize that when you are able to sit with your emotions, instead of drinking it away, scrolling it away, or participating in hook up culture to distract you from how you really feel, you gain a tremendous amount of power within yourself. We live in a noisy world. A lot of people, new, events and things compete for our attention and try to distract us. Being focused, self aware and being able to sit still is actually a superpower.