Victim Shaming and Rape Culture

Victim Shaming and Rape Culture

The Philippines is one of the most depressing places to be in terms of getting any form of justice as to rape or domestic abuse. As someone who completed a law degree until the 4th year, memorizing laws like VAWC RA 9262 which is beautiful in theory; the reality of actually attaining justice is far different from theoretical studies of the law. Justice in the Philippines is hardly a right but more of a privilege to the select few who can afford it. In reality there are thousands of women who remain in abusive relationships simply because they have no choice and are dependent upon husbands or boyfriends for money. Aside from the fact that lawyers are expensive and a drawn out legal battle will only aggravate the party who is a victim of rape or abuse, it often is brushed aside and the victim is silenced and shamed.

I’ve actually had a personal experience when I was drinking on my birthday with a couple of friends and one of them brought up while we were drunk that a common friend of ours who was attractive was raped, and they had a laugh about it. I was really shocked and speechless that someone could bring up something like rape so carelessly like it was a joke. I was absolutely disgusted with my company and I even had to pay for the drinks since it was my birthday which was ruined. I felt absolutely sick to my stomach. Needless to say, I never spoke to these people again and I don’t consider them my friends anymore. They were the same people who backstabbed our other pretty friend for having an abortion and for being strong. I knew at that moment our values didn’t align. Laughing and making fun of women who suffered trauma or were abused and actually taking pleasure in another person’s misery is a new low for me and I have no respect for women who are this backwards. It is a reflection of the lack class, education and breeding of the person rather than the victim. These kinds of insecure women are the reason victims of rape and domestic abuse remain silent. They are also the reason we have a misogynistic culture that rewards domestic abuse, gang bangs and rape.

I actually know a handful of women who were molested and raped from college, and their stories were the same. They tried to file a case, they were powerless watching the rapists live their lives as the trial ensued, they tried to speak up on social media and they were hushed and silenced for speaking their truth. I find it repulsive how people jump to conclusions and victim shame these women without giving them the benefit of the doubt. They say it was her fault, or she was asking for it, and I certainly don’t see any reality where a woman could be “asking to get raped”. The fact that you speak up on rape or abuse is brave in itself because you are putting your reputation on the line.

We need a more progressive mindset for Filipino women. Rape culture and victim shaming is the reason women will always have a glass ceiling in society. Women constantly tear each other down instead of building each other up. In addition to the already misogynistic, patriarchal society we are living in, women have the challenge to rise up amongst other women who drag them down. Women as a whole need to rise above the subconscious programming imbedded into us by the patriarchy that women should be pitted against one another. Strong women should smash the patriarchy together, and shouldn’t feel the need to backstab each other in order to get ahead in life.

It is definitely a tragedy to realize there are some women who think the idea of being raped is funny. There’s a term called “Schodenfreude” which is translated to “the pleasure one’s takes in another’s misfortune” and I think this applies to many individuals. As a general rule, I learned if people gossip with you, they will gossip about you. These are usually not the right people to be around. True friends should be happy for your success and empathize when you trip and fall. The same way true queens should be think pure thoughts, speak kind words and have a loving heart.

“Real queens fix each other’s crowns.’’ - Unknown