Forgiveness and other life lessons
When you are young, you have a sense of entitlement. Like the world owes you something simply because you are exist. Sometimes, we blame our parents for our lack of happiness and success. Other times we blame colleagues, friends or our partner for what we lack. The thing is, people will inevitably fail us. No one can be there for you 24/7 since you’re not a baby. This is something I learned the hard way. Its important to be self reliant, to be resilient and to be focused. Also not to expect men to make me happy or “complete you”.
When people disappoint you, I learned never to trust words that they “changed”. Trust their previous cycles, patterns and their actions. Also, check how they treat previous friends or relationships. When people try to attack you or drag you down, its useful to just not take things personal. Often people will project their insecurities on you and will try to bully you so you feel bad about yourself. Many can’t handle seeing you happy or successful and can’t stand to see you outgrow the version of you in their minds. Sadly, these are not your people. There will also be those who will try to drag others down and exhibit crab mentality. Some will attack you as well in an attempt to dim your shine. Again, these are not your people.
It sounds cliche, but I learned this year the value of forgiveness through God this year. The forgiveness they preach so much about in the Bible. I used to be the most vengeful person holding on to grudges. However, this only harmed me in the long run. Anger needs to be released so it can be removed from your system. Process the anger, hold space for it, then let it go in a healthy way. Forgiveness is for you. It doesn’t make the actions of another or lack of it okay. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean you want that person back in your life. Forgiveness is for your peace of mind so you can happily move on to the right people for you and you can focus on what’s important- your goals in life.
I realize in my past, I’ve hurt people. Whether as a bully in grade school, and through out adulthood. Sometimes I didn’t realize I was offensive either, because to me it was the honest truth. So, something I’ve been trying to do this year is apologize to all the people I hurt and hold myself accountable. It’s a small start in learning how to ask for forgiveness and to say sorry for my shortcomings. I’m not perfect and I never claimed to be, there’s always room for improvement. These days I have a lot of respect for people who can put their ego aside and say sorry, as well as those who know how to communicate in a mature and proper way. I’m learning its better to be the bigger man and take the high road. Mud slinging, toxic gossip and dragging others down is downright immature and it’s time to grow up if these are the energies surrounding you.
Asking for forgiveness and saying sorry is important and a sign of maturity. It’s more important to keep the peace rather than letting your ego rule you. The “ego” in psychology for reference, is the part of your subconscious you tend to hide. Its the part of you that is most animal like in nature and includes the aspects of sexuality and aggression. Those in survivor mode, or those who aren’t self actualized are controlled by their ego and this includes- the need to be “better” than others and to be aggressive towards others in a need to feel good about themselves. Whereas, those who practice empathy, forgiveness and mindfulness are using their higher order of thinking. This is also where maturity kicks in.