Honesty is the Best Policy
If I had a toxic trait it would definitely be that I’m too honest. The thing is, not many people I realized want to hear the truth. I learned from my experience, more often than not, people just want someone to listen or a shoulder to cry on. It’s difficult for majority of people to hear the truth or honest feedback and constructive criticism. Before giving the truth, many prefer it to be sugarcoated and given with a forewarning. Seeing as people in general are sensitive in the country, I’ve come to the conclusion that honesty is a gift, that not many people can handle or even deserve. Many are protecting fragile egos through denial and leave you walking on eggshells. Additionally, people around most are often yes men or will just go along with the flow, afraid to ruffle feathers.
I’ve also learned that before giving advice, its important to ask someone if they want advice or to vent. I’ve come to realize, I personally am not like other people in the sense I am very frank, blunt and honest. I come across to others as mean, even when I have good intentions when I tell the truth. Though honesty is important to me, and is how we communicate at home and with my trusted friends, again not many people can handle it. Selective honesty should be the default, and a heavy filter.
I’m a big fan of honesty and being around like minded people however. From my experience, the honest ones are the “real ones” in the end. I know that the constructive criticism I get from my trusted friends is in good faith because they want what’s best for me even If its sharing the ugly truth. I’ve grown so much as a person over the past 3-4 years and I honestly attribute that and the maturity I gained from my best friends’ tough love, honest advice and real talk. It’s not always pretty and there were moments I would get upset because the truth hurts. However, I always end up going back to my tough love friends aka. friends that challenge me. I absolutely love growth, and I make sure the people around me do so as well. There were times I wanted my friends to just side with me and say “your’re right! You don’t have to change yourself as a mom, you can still dive weekly and go on monthly vacations”. But the real ones won’t tell you what you want to hear. My tough love friends told me I needed to level up and be a strong independent woman, to not depend on men for validation or for money, to learn to cook, clean and do chores at home, and basically be a well rounded woman and mother. I listened to them even if it’s not what I wanted to hear. These kind of friendships have no price tag. These are the types of friendships that are also priceless to me.
I shared this story to my therapist, and he mentioned how I was westernized or Americanized in a sense because majority of Filipinos are very sensitive and can be “balat sibuyas”. Though, I too can be too sensitive and there is not wrong with feeling your feelings, I think its important to ask yourself: 1. Is the advice coming from a good place or from a place of concern? 2. Is there truth to it? And if so, is there even really a reason to be mad? It might just be the ego talking. Needless to say at the end of the day, you get to decide who surrounds you and they will affect your growth as a person. I used to be offended when others gave me life advice especially when I was pregnant that I should go back to law (which I absolutely hated and was horrible for my mental health). I didn’t listen to these people and I am grateful I never went back. At the end of the day, you don’t need to listen to everyone, just the ones whose advice really matters. You should know yourself better than anyone else. Lastly, you should“Never take things personal” as well.
“You’ll never lose anything by being honest, just what is fake.” - Unknown