Getting out of Victim Mentality
When we are young and in our rebellious teenage stage, it’s common to butt heads with our parents. If not our parents, we tend to blame our teachers, the government or even our peers. We like to paint ourselves in self righteous heroes doing everything we do for a noble cause. It seems hip, and cool to go against the norm, but until what end? You can only blame the people in your life for your unhappiness or lack of success for long. If you are constantly blaming your mom, dad or friends/ enemies for “putting you down” or “not doing a good enough job”, you might want to check whether you have a problem with entitlement as well. This way of thinking is what I call victim mentality. Nobody is responsible for your happiness except you. This is your life however, and no one can make you feel bad without your consent.
Don’t get me wrong, there are people who suffer from mental health conditions and do need treatment from professionals, (myself included). But there are also those who just plain act like a victim from every relationship they have. Often these types lack attention. There are those who whine or blame their lack of success on their parents not being supportive enough and being toxic, or their enemies for sabotaging their happiness. It took me a while to realize that the difference between maturity and immaturity is how you handle your trials and tribulations. Its also how you hold yourself accountable for your own mistakes. Empathy and patience are also very evident traits that show in mature individuals as opposed to immature ones stuck in victim mentality. These are those who are the doers, the mature ones who have a growth mindset. They constantly seek ways to improve themselves through reading books, having meaningful conversations with mentors and honing their skills. Growth minded individuals take care of their health and cultivate discipline in work and all aspects of their life.
On the other hand, victim mentality is the opposite as previously stated. Those with victim mentality blame everyone but themselves when things go wrong. They throw tantrums and resort to mud slinging and low blows to try to hurt or attack the enemy rather than having an honest conversation about how they are feeling and why they feel that way. These are immature individuals, and it can be exhausting dealing with those who exhibit victim mentality. Often, people with this mindset, don’t even have a problem with you, but rather some needs are unmet by their inner child and wounds caused by a neglectful or abusive parents. Many project their insecurities unto others. You can tell by the repetitive patterns these people have with others, often ending on bad terms (also conveniently not their fault). They have a Fixed Mindset and haven’t really had much character development over time. Its important to do a lot of healing through Inner child work, Shadow Work and therapy because these techniques are how you grow and evolve as a person.
Ultimately, the people in your life will fail, because they are just human. However, you need to realize, the way others act is beyond your control. This is YOUR life and what you can control is 1. your perspective, learning to not take things personal 2. the amount of work you put in 3. who has access to you 4. your discipline with work outs, consuming food and media. More often that not you also become the top three or four individuals you spend time with. It’s essential to choose mature individuals who inspire you with their ideas and to grow into the person you were meant to be. Your circle can widen your perspective or choke your vision in terms of success. It’s important to be around like minded and growth oriented people so you’re on the same frequency, and you will attain your goals.
Lastly, you always have a choice in this lifetime. You can choose the easy way out, to stick in your comfort zone and repeat the same patterns or cycles like an episode of Friends, or you can challenge yourself from having a Fixed mindset and choose a Growth Mindset. On one hand, with a growth mindset, you have the option to stick to that diet, to move to another city, to work a different job, to meet new friends outside your usual circle and to hone your skills - this is Growth Mindset. This is the kind of thinking and mindset combined with unwavering resilience and discipline which can help you reach your version of happiness and success. Keep going even when things become comfortable. Remember comfort is the enemy of growth.
“Change is scary but so is staying the same forever”
- unknown