Toxic Positivity vs. Genuine Optimism
Toxic Postivity vs. Genuine Optimism
People often confuse Toxic Positivity with Genuine Optimism. The difference is crucial. Toxic Positivity invalidates the reality of another human being undergoing severe grief, like losing a loved one or losing a job. It is often accompanied with reused cliches like “Good vibes only”, “Other people have it worse” or the dreaded “Think Positive”. Although people may have seemingly good intentions when they say these regurgitated cliches, the effect is often that the person suffering does not feel seen, or heard in any way, feeling more alone and disconnected as ever. Toxic Positivity is dangerous because not only does it invalidate the pain, grief or trauma of another human being, but it also makes the person feel more isolated and more prone to self destructive behavior.
Genuine Optimism on the other hand, allows a person to feel how they are feeling and helps them to cope with grief or trauma. Phrases like “I’m here for you, what can I do to help you?”, “It’s okay to cry, we’ll get through this together” are often much more effective in allowing a grieving person to feel seen, and to take up space. Pain and sadness are normal emotions. Nobody can be happy 24/7 and it is essential to allow people to feel their pain. Additionally, genuine optimism means being there for a person mentally, physically and psychologically instead of brushing aside how a person feels or enabling bad behavior like drug abuse, alcohol abuse, or other self destructive behavior.
It’s not always easy for people who are suffering from grief or mental health conditions to open up and to be vulnerable. Oftentimes, it does more harm than good for a person struggling to open up to a person they consider a friend. Not everyone is equipped to hold space for people struggling with clinical depression, anxiety or grief. Some people are awkward and don’t know what to say except the usual condolences, some give cliche quotes on happiness and some try to be helpful by enabling bad behaviors. Ultimately a person struggling with any kind of trauma, or mental health condition just wants to be seen, heard and for their feelings to be validated. When someone is struggling with a major loss of any kind be at a failure in school, a financial loss, a break up or a death, it is often a period of deep mourning for the loss. People in this modern day often don’t know how to handle sadness or pain as we are constantly being bombarded with happy, perfect pictures on social media and conditioned to be positive in order to be seen as likable and attractive.
If you know someone who is seriously struggling, and you personally don’t feel like you are capable of giving them the time and attention they need to cope with a loss, it is helpful to point them in the direction of a professional. Oftentimes, people are simply not educated enough on basic principles of psychological first aid and it is necessary to get an expert. Psychologists, psychiatrists and grief counselors can help individuals who are struggling with mental health conditions, anxiety or clinical depression. There is absolutely no shame in seeking a professional and it is not a sign of weakness. Clinical Depression, Anxiety and Grief are things that are hardly given the attention they deserve simply because so much emphasis is placed on being happy, that any minor negativity is seen as “toxic”.
At the end of the day, we are all human. We all feel a range of emotions aside from happiness like sadness, anger, hopeless, frustrated and powerless. We want our other feelings to be validated as well not just our feelings of happiness. Social Media is in many ways is such a powerful tool because it can make or break your image and reach so many people while being extremely deceptive. It is more of a highlights reel than actually connecting with other people through our various range of emotions. Social media is hardly “social” and ironically leaves people sadder and more disconnected than before. In psychological studies there are findings that there is a direct correlation between Depression, Anxiety and Social Media, especially among the impressionable youth. This is one of the reasons Instagram has hidden like counts on the platform. Suicide, Self Harm, Anxiety, Cyberbullying and online harassment are just some of the many issues the younger generations face on a day to day basis.
Never trust or believe social media as reality, because it is far from that. A quote I read once said: “We are a sad generation with happy pictures” and I couldn’t agree more. I hope that if you are struggling throughout this pandemic or you are mourning a loss, you have that one person you feel you can trust and whom makes you feel seen. Whether it’s your mom, your dad, a lover, a best friend or maybe even a cat. Life is a beautiful gift, and every morning is nothing short of a miracle. Remember that you are worthy, you are seen, you are loved and you are not alone.
“You are a child of the Universe; no less than the trees or stars you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.” - Desiderata