Radical Self Compassion
People place a huge emphasis on forgiving your enemies and “loving your enemy” as stated in the bible. Show your enemy compassion because x y z has happened to them (they’re going through a lot). And while I have learned, compassion is important to show towards those who have wronged you and to be empathetic, it’s also just as important to show your OWN self, compassion. Having self compassion means, holding space for your own feelings and allowing yourself to feel them freely. You did the best you could with the resources you had at the time. Not everyone handles conflict and stress the same way. Also, not everyone was taught how to self regulate when it comes to emotions.
It’s okay to be kind, inclusive and understanding, but also when people walk all over your boundaries and disrespect you, you should not only stand up for yourself but also be compassionate towards the parts of your Self you betrayed. People pleasing is a dangerous game. If you keep adjusting your boundaries for others, you will make them like you more but you will also secretly hate yourself for not speaking up little by little.
The world is hard as it is and can be toxic enough as it is, so you don’t have to constantly blame yourself for the past. Some people, myself included, have a very strong and loud inner critic. Things always need to be done with perfection (blame the inner Virgo in me). I always strive for high standards, values and morals for myself and those who I surround myself with. I am easily my own worst critic and constantly get disappointed with friends and acquaintances for not reaching my expectations. However, I learned recently that just because I love them doesn’t mean they’re perfect, and neither am I perfect (and that is okay!) Everyone has both good and bad sides to make up their whole just like Yin and Yang. Therefore show others compassion. As for yourself, show yourself the MOST Radical Self Compassion of all, especially if you’re hard on yourself or struggle with your mental health. Be kind to yourself.