Sweet Solitude
I’ve come to observe a lot of people, my teenage self included, used to be terrified of being alone. A lot of individuals also jump to the conclusion that just because you’re alone, you are lonely, which is not always the case. It can be in my opinion, extremely draining to be surrounded by people who are not on your wavelength. There are many times I rather just go home early from an inuman because its just not my thing anymore, or opt out all together.
I started clubbing with a fake ID when I was barely legal at 12 or 13 in places like Embassy, and had so many fun, crazy and wild adventures. Drinking parties and clubbing were fun in retrospect, but you get to a point, you outgrow the drinking culture lifestyle and need to mature as an adult. More responsibilities need to be met, whether it’s bills to pay, a cute little toddler needing your attention and personal self care as well.
Apart from these, I realized you need to schedule in alone time as well. Do the things that make you happy, and make life worth living. Spending time alone to recharge is very important. For me I choose to go diving, hiking and journalling because this is what I treasure most. Hobbies and even pets that make you happy are like the corner of the Universe where you can find your own space of sweet solitude. Even if at times, I can’t find an outdoorsy friend who wants to travel, dive, or hike, I don’t allow that to stop me. I do things alone. I believe its empowering to do things alone and to be comfortable in your own solitude.
It’s important for me to be up early for my morning work outs and to cook my meals. I enjoy the slowed down, more conscious lifestyle motherhood brought into my life. I enjoy brunch dates with my girl friends and sipping tea over caffiene which used to give me palpitations. As for alcohol, I don’t miss it either. I never was an alcoholic, but i’ve met a few. Alcohol can ruin your brain, the same way too much recreational drugs does. I respect my mind and all it does for me, which is why removing alcohol, recreational drugs and caffeine was the next logical step for me. It’s been exactly 1 year since I cut off alcohol and caffeine from my diet. It’s the best choice I’ve made and has done wonders for my mental health. I sleep early and no longer get insomnia. I have more focused energy for all the passion projects i’ve been working on. My skin started to clear from acne and smoothed out.
It all started when I re- evaluated my relationship with alcohol and its role or importance in my life during Yoga Teacher Training. For many, alcohol is a social lubricant. Drinking gives many liquid courage or confidence to flirt. Some want to forget the pains and traumas they harbor, so they drink. Some like the feelings alcohol brings up or the temporary high. Others want courage to ask the cute guy or gal to dance, so they drink. Thinking of the reasons other people enjoy drinking made me realize, I honestly don’t need alcohol to have fun. I can dance freely with my friends with no shame even with no alcohol. I work on my pain and trauma in therapy instead of drinking problems away. I bond with my friends through my outdoorsy hobbies like diving, hiking, yoga and scuba diving to name a few. My idea of “fun” has greatly changed over the years, I matured and I started seeking peace, as my first priority.
Truthfully, I enjoy the peace solitude brings. Its hard to hear yourself think over the noise of loud and aggressive people or being in a cliqueish or immature group. I noticed in patterns of toxic group dynamics there so much unnecessary drama and conflict created by those within it to be relevant and seek attention. There’s toxic peer pressure and those who enable bad behavior and passive aggressive actions as well. I believe however, gossiping is a waste of time. It is childish and immature, I opt out of these negative energies as well as they interfere with my dreams and goals. Not everything is worth fighting for or is worth your energy.
Overall, I’m grateful for all the lessons the chapters of my party girl era has taught me. I’m happy as well that some doors closed, to create more room for new characters in my life and my own self improvement. I am grateful for the life lessons the Universe has taught me. Like how to to protect my peace from temporary people, and to be more selective with who I allow into my world and inner circle. All connections I nurture should be aligned with my higher self, my dreams and my goals.
Don’t be afraid to walk your path alone, don’t be afraid to like it. - John Mayer